You Are My Joy, You are my Joy, You are my Joy, You are my Joooooyyyy...

Tracy and I watched The Bucket List tonight. I actually enjoyed it, minus the unnecessary profanities, a lot more than I expected to. It got me thinking about a couple of things, and you know me, when I start thinking, I put down thoughts in writing form. The obvious idea, which I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on because I've written extensively about, is the idea of 'how would you spend your life if you knew you only had a limited amount of time left to live?' I've written about it when we did the series last fall called "Live Like You Were Dying," and this spring related to Matthew's passing, and this summer related to the book by John Piper I read called Don't Waste Your Life. If we fail to realize that our time could come at any moment, if we fail to allow the things we've seen and experienced over recent months, then we wind up wasting our lives. However, if we realize we only have a limited time to live and to do stuff that matters, we learn to truly live, and we live a life that makes a difference, has hope and matters.

The other part of the movie that got me thinking was a couple of questions Morgan Freeman's character asked Jack Nicholson's in the middle of the movie. He said the ancient Egyptians believed your entrance into heaven was dependent on your answer to these two questions. I don't buy that theologically, allow me to make that clear up front, but I believe the questions are valid for us and thought-provoking in such a way that how we answer them could change the way we lives our lives and motivate us to live more purposefully. The two questions were these: "Have you found joy in your life?," and "Has your life brought joy to others?"

"Have you found joy in your life?" What a deep question. There is a huge difference in happiness and joy. Happiness is dependent on life circumstances but joy is not. Joy gives a sense of purpose, hope, meaning and fulfillment, no matter what is going on in our lives. It is how a person can make it through both the best and worst life has to offer. It gives direction to our lives because we have a reason to live and a purpose for living. Ultimate joy begins in a deep, purposeful, meaningful, intimate relationship with God and flows down into other aspects of life from that relationship. It flows into an ability to find joy in family, friends, relationships, work, school, hobbies, interests, and so many other things. It must begin with God and His love, though, because anything else as a source of ultimate joy and fulfillment is a mere counterfeit and cheap substitute attempting to fill the "God-shaped hole," the vacuum inside every human being, the longing for something more. And He set me on fire, And I am burning alive, With His breath in my lungs, I am coming undone

The other question is harder.. "Has your life brought joy to others?" The first one is easier to answer, I think, and it's easier to 'fudge' an answer to. This one is more challenging. It causes us to really evaluate the way we live, and whether it is for ourselves or for something beyond ourselves. Does the way we treat others bring joy to them? Do we think about and meet their needs? Do we consider others as important or more so as ourselves and our own needs and wants? Do we take the humble mind and attitude of Christ? Do we deny ourselves for the cause of Christ and for others? Do we see the people we meet as representative of Christ and treat them accordingly (see Matthew 25:31-46, maybe THE most challenging passage in the Bible)? And I cannot hold it in and remain composed Love’s taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go, I am letting myself go

Paul talks a lot about joy, especially in Philippians. I don't know about you, but I want my life to show that I have found that ultimate joy. I want it to be obvious that there is something different, and real, and life-changing, about my life, and about God's work and presence in my life. And I want that joy to be contagious and viral, to spread to those around me. I want to bring joy to my wife and kids, to the amazing teenagers I work with, to the incredible friends God has blessed me with, to the congregants in our church, to the waiter at the restaurant, to the cashier at Walmart, etc. I'm not totally there, yet, but when my times comes, when I kick the bucket, I want it said of me that Christ is my source of joy and strength and that through that, I was able to bring a little joy to those God placed in my life.
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SOUNDTRACK FOR A NOTE:
"You are My Joy" by David Crowder Band; "Overjoyed" by Jars of Clay; "On Being Joyful and Content" by Bradley Hathaway; "Shouts of Joy" by Phil Keaggy; "Tears of Joy" by Robert Randolph and the Family Band; "Joy, Joy" by Ashley Cleveland

Restless, I Guess, I Must Confess, My Heart is Pounding in My Chest...

Larry Walters bought forty-five used weather balloons and strapped himself into a lawn chair, with attached helium-filled balloons. He took along a BB gun, figuring he could shoot the balloons one at a time when he was ready to land. Walters, who assumed the balloons would lift him about 100 feet in the air, was caught off guard when the chair soared more than 11,000 feet into the sky -- smack into the middle of the air traffic pattern at LAX. Scared, he stayed airborne for more than two hours, forcing the airport to shut down its runways for much of the afternoon, causing long flight delays. Reporters asked him three questions: "Were you scared?" "Yes." "Would you do it again?" "No." "Why did you do it?" "Because," he said, "you can't just sit there."

Maybe it's still Baltimore mission trip hangover. Maybe it's two kids' birthdays and a birthday party. Maybe it's yet another LFBC older person's death (tragically on top of that) and funeral to deal with at the beginning of the week. Maybe it's being down in numbers a little bit (mostly for good reasons, but still it's trying!) this week in youth group. Maybe it was the distracted nature of too many kids last night. Maybe it's an end of summer/post mission trip/heading towards school starting combination. Maybe it's lack of sleep (darn those Cardinals and an incredible 15 inning marathon game last night!). Whatever it is, this has been a weird week or so. Every afternoon has found me incredibly run down/tired, and a confused maze of jumbled thoughts about a zillion different things. It's as if I know what it is but can't put my finger on it, can't fully process it without a long ongoing process. If I could put it all into words, I wouldn't have to write about it, right?

Mostly, honestly, it's that I've been incredibly restless all week. I'm 34, and I'm a work in progress. Daily, really, I find huge evidences of God as the potter shaping, and re-shaping, me as the clay. We're doing a series in youth group based on Francis Chan's Crazy Love book, the 2nd time in the past year we've done stuff tied into that and 3rd I've been a part of leading (the other was at church camp), and last night we talked about 'The Great Love Story.' Today, I started working on next week's lesson, tentatively titled "I'll Run to You." That book will mess you up...in a good way...and teaching from Scripture combined with concepts in that book, especially with students, will do so even more.

I have had this restlessness within me all week...it's a good, but challenging restlessness. It's a hurt for the pains my students and others around me are going through. In fact, Tracy and I were talking at lunch about the variety of 'former students' God has brought BACK into our lives recently, many of them with various hurts and pains, and the opportunities God is giving us with them, and the mere fact that they are drawn back to God, church, people who represent God, etc, after a few years of a sort of 'finding themselves,' sometimes with deep hurts and scars and pains as a result.

It's also a continued, almost disturbed restlessness of making every moment count. That is something that goes back to what happened in late March, at least to a degree. I'm learning to make the most of EVERY moment I have with people...with my wife and kids especially, but also with other family members, with my students (many of whom have plenty of deep hurts, pains, pasts, etc, themselves), and with good friends. I think I've always, or at least for a LONG time, been somewhat this way, but lately I find myself living out many of the words of the Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying," often even consciously thinking about the ideas of 'love deeper, speak sweeter, give forgiveness I've been denying,' etc. It's also a restlessness just for the sheer amount of hurt and pain and almost hopelessness I've seen so often lately...here, as well as in Baltimore on the mission trip, and in general in our society. People put their trust in relationships, or celebrities, or politicians, and always wind up let down and wonder what it's all about and what it's all for. And I find myself appreciating the people in my life so much more on literally a daily basis...my amazing wife, my incredible kids, my parents, my siblings, my students (who are not just students under my authority but real and close relationships in this journey of faith together), my friends.

The boys both had birthdays this week and it made me that much more aware of what a gift they have been for 6 and 3 years, and what an incredible and amazing responsibility it is to be a parent. Tracy and I celebrated 9 years together the week before, and I could not do what I do, and would not be who I am, without her. My parents and Tracy's kept the boys while we went to Baltimore and continue to pour out love and blessings on us, in addition to the standards they set for us to strive for as parents and families. My siblings have become amazing adults with their own families and careers and we don't get to see each other enough, but I'm super proud of them. And I have an incredible support team at church...from our pastor and his wife, to several of the best friends I've ever known (many of whom are partners in this youth ministry with us as youth workers, etc), and I've seen these relationships grow even in the past few days. And I have so many friends who live away from where I do who God uses in timely manners time and time again for encouragement, support and love, which I've seen very vividly and in a very timely manner this week and recently, with great and timely conversations with some great people in my life.

I'm not perfect, I'm far from it, I'll readily admit. But I'm at a point where I will honestly admit that I love what God is doing in my life, even if it can be confusing and mysterious and tiresome and so forth trying to figure it all out. I guess it boils down to this...I'm learning to 'trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,' more than I ever have before, and I don't want to waste my life. And I don't want to miss out on what God has because I am selfish, like sadly too many of us are far too often. And I want the people in my life to see Christ in me. And I want them to know He loves them. And I want them to know I do as well. And I want them to know I'm more than just sound-good talk because I have to be as a youth pastor or whatever. I want sincerity, real-ness, genuine-ness, light, hope, love, care, concern, depth, relationship, community, and most of all God, to shine in, through, and around me, as much as I can control it, through His strength in and through me. There are too many neat, great, people and experiences out there to live as selfishly as we do far too frequently. I don't want to miss out on those neat experiences, those great people, and the mind-boggling love and plans God has for me. I want my life to scream that there is something different about me, but in a way that it points to and glorifies Him rather than myself. And if that means I remain a jumbled maze of confusing thoughts attempting to be fully processed and implemented, so be it. Bring it on. :) Let's be who He desires us to be. Let's run to Him and embrace Him and fall into HIS plan instead of settling for our own. I know He's not done with me...with us...with His people here, and it's up to us to grab that and run with it, towards Him and His will. Let's get committed. Let's quit playing it safe. Let's quit staying in the bunkers when we are supposed to storm the very gates of hell. Let's break the spell of the typical! Viva La Vida! Carpe Diem! Seize the Day!

Soundtrack for a Note:
"Done Living" by Justin McRoberts; "Typical" by Mute Math; "Magnificent" by U2; "Safe" by Justin McRoberts;"Vision of You" by Shane and Shane; "The Mirror" by Cool Hand Luke; "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay; "Fix You" by Coldplay; "Evil (a Chorus of Resistance)"

Pass the Leftovers, Please...

We have a saying around our church that 'good is the enemy of great.' It's certainly not unique to us, but it's become one of our mottos for the church. It's constantly on my mind, and that of our pastor, but I wonder how often we still settle? I think that little concept, settling for good when He wants and we could have great, is one of the biggest problems in modern Christianity. Think about it...how often do we settle? How often do we decide 'well I must have done enough because I've done this and this and that and that,' and 'look at what I'm doing compared to so-and-so, etc, etc.'

I guess it has been on my mind more so this week because we are coming off one of the biggest spiritual highs, individually as well as collectively as a youth group, that we've ever experienced. God took 24 people from rural Arkansas, a town with a population under 1000 and a community under 30,000, to the 12th largest (and 2nd most dangerous according to at least one recent study) city in the U.S. and saw amazing things happen. We pushed ourselves to do and be more than we ever thought possible. But why can't we do that every day, on a daily basis, right here, where we are? Maybe a better way to word that last sentence would be 'But why DON'T we do that every day, on a daily basis, right here, where we are?' How often do we go through the motions of day to day Christianity and all that really results is we are a little better, a little less profane, a little less selfish, etc, than the average person, if that? Is that all this means? Is that all this thing called following Jesus is all about? Seriously? I would hate to hear ANYONE admit that they believed that literally, but isn't that at least somewhat how we live our lives?

We're doing a summer series based on the Francis Chan book Crazy Love. Last night, we looked at chapter 5, called "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God." It's a powerful chapter that steps on toes in major ways. At the end of the night, I challenged them with these words, much of it taken directly from Chan's book, in that chapter. My prayer is that it challenges ALL of us to quit serving God our leftovers, to quit just fitting Him in, amongst a billion other things in our lives, whenever we have...or make...the time.

• It's not what you advertise that counts; It's what you're really made of. Leftovers are not merely inadequate...in God's view, they are actually considered EVIL. Following Christ is not something we can do halfheartedly or on the side. It's not just some label to display when it's useful for us. It must be absolutely central to everything about who we are. The fact is that NOTHING should concern us above our relationship with Christ. Otherwise, we are telling God, "You're just really not worth it to me, compared to my car, my sin habit, my relationship, etc." How we spend our time, money and energy is equivalent to choosing for or against God many times every day. We disgust God when we decide anything is more important to us than Him. Are we willing to say to God that He can have WHATEVER He wants? Do we believe wholehearted commitment to Him is more important than any other thing OR person in our lives? Do we know that nothing in this world will ever matter outside of loving God and loving those He has made? True faith means holding NOTHING back. It bets EVERYTHING on the hope of eternity. It isn't easy...it's a narrow road...but it's worth it.
  

"'Cause just okay is not enough, Help me fight through the nothingness of life. I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day, without Your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking, "What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"

SOUNDTRACK FOR A NOTE:
"The Motions" by Matthew West; "The Spectacle of Fearsome Acts" by Project 86; "Alive" by Stryper; "What You Give Up to Get It" by Derek Webb

Final Daze...

It's wayyyyy too late, but I'm content. Satisfied. Excited. God has done something amazing in our youth and in our own lives this week. We have experienced Him in very real ways. My prayer is that the experiences we've had with VBS, Inner Harbor Ministries, the feeding ministry tonight, the block party, the service at Valley Baptist, the people we've met, will go far, far beyond this week, and have a lasting, transformative effect on our lives as we head back home. Short of that, I think we fall short and to a degree fail God, each other and our church who sent us out as His witnesses.

What kind of impact did this week have? Most of it will not be known for a long time, perhaps even in our lifetimes. But impact was there, I have no doubt about it. We have been changed ourselves. I believe that with every fiber of my being. I firmly believe our students will go home and do something real with their lives. Listening to them tonight talk about what God had done and what they loved about their experiences this week and about each other. I think we moved forward together this week...spiritually and otherwise. I think there will be leaders arise in our group and they will make an impact. I have no doubt some of our students will be a part of ministry for the rest of their lives, either themselves or with spouses. I don't think I've EVER said that before about my group. I believe they will go back and share their stories from this week. I believe they will live differently. I believe they will be excited about the things of God. I believe they will...if I didn't, we would be wasting our time this week, to put it bluntly.

Transformation. Life-change. Faith in action. Breaking out of safe and ordinary. Excellence. Faith. Hope. Love. Life. God. Us.

"Oh, everything will change, things will never be the same, we will never be the same, we will never be the same..."

Al and Trace Plus 22...

I told someone this morning that Jon and Kate Gosselin, or the Dugger family, have nothing on us...we are spending the week 18 hours from home with 22 others...Alan and Trace plus 22...including today on our anniversary. I'm super thankful for a spouse who 'gets' what I do, and is as called to it as I am and wants to share in it with me. It's a gift from God.

So my mind is spinning, swirling, a jumbled maze of thoughts, the biggest of which is 'what the heck just happened?' We just had one of the best times together I've EVER had with a youth group. Let me back up and say that it was a great day at VBS and then our group with the Valley youth group tonight at church. Our kids were, for the most part, amazing yet again. There were a few stumbles along the way, though, and I felt the need to address them tonight. Which brings me to the jumbled maze of emotions.

We addressed some of the things that happened, and had our share time like usual. But what happened after that can only be explained as something God did. And honestly, I don't even know what He did, or what the kids experienced for the most part, nor do I think they fully do. We spread them out in the gym we use as our central meeting location, sent them away from anyone else, and I challenged them to evaluate themselves...to confess sin, to worship, to thank God, to pray, to ask Him to do something incredible the rest of our time, to allow them to focus and to finish strong, etc. I prayed, and then I hit play on the Hillsong worship song "Fire Fall Down." And what happened from that point on, I suppose the cynic would say was playing with emotion. But there is no doubt in my mind that, in a way that I cannot explain at all, we experienced a glimpse of what that song is about. The song says, "Cause I know that you're alive You came to fix my broken life, And I'll sing to glorify Your Holy name, Jesus Christ. You bought my life with the blood That you shed on the cross When you died for the sins of men And you let out a cry, crucified Now alive in me. These hands are yours Teach them to serve As you please and I'll reach out Desperate to see all the greatness of God May my soul rest assured in you. I'll never be the same No I'll never be the same. Cause I know that you're alive You came to fix my broken life And I'll sing to glorify Your Holy name, Jesus Christ. You've changed it all, You broke down the wall. When I spoke and confessed In you I am blessed Now I walk in the light In victorious sight of you. Fire fall down Fire fall downOn us we pray, as we seek. Fire fall down, Your fire fall down On us we pray. Show me your heart Show me your way Show me your glory."

I think it nailed nearly every one of us in powerful, powerful ways. There was worship, and brokenness, and so much more. It was incredible to watch as a youth pastor. I don't have a clue honestly what all happened, but I know there was not one person who left unchanged. I don't even know how to process what I saw, but I truly loved and enjoyed seeing it. After that song ended, we sang to "Mighty to Save," and those lyrics seemed to nail people as well. As we sang about this incredible, great God who is 'mighty to save,' I think it began to click that that same God loves us, and loves Baltimore, and that's what this week is all about. It was incredible. I think the line that says, "So take me as You find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in, now I surrender" is probably the line that most got people. When that ended, for 20+ minutes, there were hugs and tears, and tears and hugs and tears and comfort and hugs and love and tears and so much more. The group bonded. The group was broken, collectively and individually. I believe stuff was gotten rid of, and the students came face to face with Jesus as never before. They met Christ in ways they never have. And I fully expect it to carry over into tomorrow and the next day and far beyond. I expect to have some incredible LONG-term implications. Hearing what they said afterwards, to me and to each other. Seeing how they responded to each other. Seeing the visible signs of brokenness, etc. It was enough to absolutely blow me away...and I'm a youth pastor who has seen a LOT of stuff over time. I wish I could make it tangible to you, my reader. I wish we could put it into adequate words. But honestly, the English language, as beautiful as it is, doesn't contain them, in my opinion. I fully expect my group to be processing it tonight and into the morning, and I fully expect and dream and hope that it is part of a process that changes their lives FOREVER, rather than just a temporary or emotional high. There's so much more to say, but I need to sleep on it and come up with words to do it some justice. Thanks for reading. Keep us in your prayers! We love you guys, and we love Jesus. Today...and especially tonight...was one of those days where the whole process of being called and following God's call and going through ALL it entails was well worth it. I will sleep with a smile on my face, and I hope my students will, and I hope we will make God smile as well.

"I'm a dead man now with a ghost who lives within the confines of these carbon ribs. And one day when I'm free I will sit, the cripple at your table, the cripple by your side."

The Long Fall Back to Earth...

No, I'm not blogging about the latest Jars of Clay album...it just seemed like an appropriate title to trying to wrap our heads around what has transpired, at the end of the longest day of the week for us. But I don't use the word 'longest,' or even the entire title, as a negative at all. Just as a processor word for the day. It was long, but it was amazing.

Our group was awesome in the VBS help they provided again. They really have grown attached to the kids, and vice-versa. They have been exceptional help for Valley, and I honestly don't know how Valley could do this without the 24 of us adding to it. They do what they are asked, and then they find stuff to do when they don't have it. And they give and give some more, and then give some more. To put it bluntly, thus far, I've never been more proud of a group at any point for what they are doing, how they are showing Christ, etc. It's been incredible. It would be easy to slack off, but so far, they haven't.

The other part of the day today consisted of putting on and primarily being in charge of and running a block party in the area around Inner Harbor Ministry. It is a diverse culture, with a lot of needs, some poverty, some crime, various races and statuses, etc. It was very eye-opening for the kids to see and be a part of. They ran games, served sno-cones, popcorn, hot dogs, and more, did face-painting, and just mingled, hung out and served. Pastor Elmer Ulwood, who runs the ministry, did a tremendous job as a clown, making balloon animals and doing some other clown-type stuff...at 82 years old. We saw a little bit of everything, it's so hard to even process and put it into words. It was an incredible experience, definitely one most of them don't get to EVER see. It is a powerful reminder that the world we live in is fairly sheltered, and that our world is not all there is. It showed us a lot about needs, and a lot about helping meet those needs. We served food (physical needs), hung out and talked to them (social, emotional, relational), and shared the Gospel (spiritual, the Ultimate Need). Bro. Danny got an amazing experience, to share the Gospel in a 10 minute or so time to the group that was there. It was trying for him, I'm very certain of that, but it was an amazing experience for him, and I have no doubt the impact and results will take care of themselves and go far beyond what we will ever even know.

On the way back, we listened to God of This City and I couldn't help but think of that song and how it relates to us, as a youth group, and to our church, but also for the city of Baltimore and the work of Valley, Embrace Baltimore, Pastor Ulmer, and so forth. It honestly moved me to tears. I don't want to forget what I'm seeing, experiencing, etc, this week. I want to believe that for here, as well as for us, that "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done here," and that He is the "light in the darkness," and the "hope for the hopeless," and "peace to the restless." He is the ONLY true life change, the ONLY thing that truly makes a difference that lasts and that truly means something.

Tomorrow, my prayer is that we keep pressing on, and moving forward, and that as we experience 'the long fall back to earth,' we don't let it slip our minds, we don't let it go by without us being changed. Our theme for the week has been 'it's not about us,' and that is truly my prayer, and I hope that all we do is done to bring Him glory. (Colossians 3:17, 23)

Disperse and Herd...

Today was our first big day of ministry! It was a full and awesome day. It followed an eventful night...we had to take one girl to an urgent care facility with stomach issues, and then a couple hours later one of the other girls hit her head HARD and we wound up taking HER to the ER at St. Joseph's about 12:30 or so. We got back about 3:15 or so. So I went on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. But the good news is both are fine now, and you really wouldn't know there was anything that happened. We spent 9:00-3:00 helping Valley with their VBS and music camp. We had youth in the various classrooms, in the crafts, in the snacks, in the Bible time, in the nursery, in the recreation, in the music and more. I was so proud of our youth. They did pretty much whatever was asked, most of the time not knowing exactly what they were gonna be doing. They were very flexible and willing to do a little bit of anything. I was so proud of them and their servant-heartedness. I can't imagine how Valley did this VBS without our extra 24 helpers. We added a lot to every aspect of Valley's ministry today...for SIX hours. Our kids gave, and then gave some more...they pushed themselves and were truly, for the most, real servants. They were awesome. The Valley adults loved the help they got, and the kids at VBS loved the kids from London.

At 3:00, VBS ended and we rushed to leave to get to Curtis Bay and the Inner Harbor Ministry, led by this really neat 82 year old man named Elwood Ulmer. He had some projects for us...some massive yardwork and cleanup stuff in the alley behind their facility. And most of the group got to go around a very interesting area of neighborhoods that fit many of the bigger city inner city older type neighborhood stereotypes. We walked into some interesting areas and passed out fliers and talked to people promoting the block party they are doing tomorrow night (sounds like an awesome thing we are gonna be a part of tomorrow, by the way). It was an amazing experience...I think many of our group were scared initially but then they really enjoyed being pushed a bit out of their comfort zones and seeing a completely different ministry and people group than what we see in the mornings at Valley.

We came back and ate supper and then had our group time. It is always amazing to hear them talk about their experiences so far. Tomorrow will be our busiest day...VBS from 9:00-3:00, then the block party from 4:00-8:00 or so. I told them to get plenty of rest and so forth because it's at the point where it's easy to get snippy and say ugly things and just not give 100% because of tiredness. We are fully expecting another amazing day, and we are already seeing people's lives being changed...ours as well as those we are around daily. Keep us in your prayers.

PS...the title comes from a part of the day where Bro. Danny did an awesome job of getting OUR kids to do an awesome job of 'dispersing' from each other and where they were, to helping herd the VSB kids (like cattle) from where they were spread out in mass chaos, to where they needed to be. Hence, disperse and herd....